TWO BLANK EYES

TWO BLANK EYES

I look down while I’m eating my sad dinner of my kids’ cereal that doesn’t taste sad at all. It tastes like JUST what I needed in this moment. It tastes like a hug feels.

I notice there are only 2 “O’s” remaining on my spoon and I think for a second that it would be better if there were a smiling mouth beneath those two eyes. I quickly correct myself; “No. That’s about right. Two blank eyes. Like what-the-f*ck-is-happening-kinda eyes.”

If I were taking a photo for an audience, I might consider moving the charging cord; its absence implying that I’m not connected-AF to all the outside noise right now. I would probably pose my hand in an unnatural way that just looked a little more dainty. If I were taking a photo for an audience, I might take 5 or 6 of them instead of just the one.

I notice that my nails are longer than they’ve been in years. It occurs to me just how much I beat my hands up at work. It’s not a good or a bad thought…just noticing is all.

My phone, which is now up to my face to capture an image for my journal entry, plays Dolly’s sweet voice begging Jolene to not take her man and I think “I bet Jolene feels like a real d*ck right now.”…but then I realize that thought wasn’t living up to my usual feminist voice and I rethink: “It sounds like you BOTH should have left your man.” I’m satisfied with my corrected thought and I find the two blank eyes’ missing bottom half on my own mouth. 🙂

Written April 15, 2020 during Covid lockdown and political and social unrest.